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The Cabin in the Woods Review (Spoilers)

Putting a Read More in case some people might accidentally read some spoilers.

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Review It Before You See It: The Cabin in the Woods

Okay so my dad asked me if I wanted to see “The Cabin in the Woods” with him. I said I’d look it up and tell him later because I hadn’t seen much on it.

I had to watch six fucking trailers to find out what the movie is about and I still barely get it.

So this group of five stupid people go to some gas station with some really rude, creepy guy who tells them that they have enough gas to get to a certain place when he has absolutely no idea how much gas they actually have in their Winnebago or whatever. And then after that they actually go there. And it’s a fucking cabin. In the woods. Why would you go to a cabin in the woods that’s just fucking ridiculous. And on top of that the cabin has this two-way mirror and that isn’t even a little bit weird? I hope the guy tells the girl about the mirror instead of being a jerk and watching her undress in her room.

So then they’re playing Truth or Dare and the fucking entrance to the basement flies open super fast and this dude thinks it’s the fucking wind. BITCH HOW’S WIND GONNA PUSH A FUCKING FLOOR GATE THING THAT HARD ESPECIALLY WHEN THOSE THINGS ARE USUALLY LOCKED. And then this idiot dares the one girl to go in there. I already dislike these characters. But then later on one of them apparently knows how to fix an elevator. Is it just me or is every character in movies these days completely fucking stupid?

Okay if the movie didn’t already seem terrible apparently some organization is responsible for this crazy shit that keeps happening around the cabin. Like there’s this one guy with a bear trap on a chain? That seems like a very impractical weapon. Especially for a murderer. If that’s even what he is, I don’t know. In fact I don’t even remember if there was a person using it. Whatever. And then there’s some other creepy shit that happens like things popping out and giving you the chills and people getting pulled into places and then their Winnebago flies off a cliff for some reason. So far I think the guys that made the trailers failed to do their job. As do most advertisers. (I could go on a big rant about advertisements but it would make this post twice as long.)

But I don’t know, maybe this movie is good. IMDb gave it a 7.9/10. (Why don’t they just make it out of 100 and rate it a 79? Fuck decimals.) I guess I’ll see it with my dad and tell all eleven of you lovely people what I think of it tomorrow. (Later today, but whatever.)

You know actually I won’t be able to see it if I sleep in too long because I have to go back to my mom’s house around 4 PM. I usually sleep ‘til about 2 when I’m over here. So yeah probably not seeing it. Oh well! It was fun writing this, I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday.

Also the Three Stooges movie was a horrible idea.

EDIT: This post is a hell of a lot longer than I expected it to be. Gomenasai. And thank you if you actually read it.