Putting a Read More in case some people might accidentally read some spoilers.
Cabin in the Woods more like Religious Conspiracy Plot to Kill Five Kids So the World isn’t Destroyed by Giant Evil Gods also there’s an Army of Nightmares.
But anyway, this movie was pretty good I guess. It had its ups and downs. Good parts and disappointing parts. I’ll start with the good parts.
-The comedy. All the jokes were really funny. It was a lot funnier than I had expected it to be. There was actually one part in the beginning that had my dad laughing for a while because it was a sort of reference to an old commercial, he told me, that I doubt anybody else in the theater knew of.
-The part where all the nightmares were released and everybody in the secret building place died. I was so glad when they all got their just desserts. The effects were really cool, too.
-Some other stuff.
-The whole thing with the evil gods underneath the whatever. I think it should’ve stopped at the ritual, and the two people that were alive at the end (Dana and Marty) should’ve stayed alive.
-Some things were unexplained. Why did this big organization have all these nightmarish creatures at the ready to kill anyone they wanted? Why did the organization have some sort of gas that could make people change someone’s mind about some decision they just made? (The part where Curt said that everyone should stick together, but then changed his mind because of some gas thingy.) I mean how do you even make some kind of thing like that? What was with the other rituals they were performing, like the one in Kyoto? It didn’t seem like they had very much importance.
-Everybody died. This is, I guess, more of a personal issue. I don’t like watching people die. Especially people that I’ve known for about an hour. It’s not like I have some super big emotional attachment to the characters, but still. I mean I’m sure this goes for a lot of people, but for me that’s just one thing that makes me dislike horror movies. Another thing is the gore. I did expect it to be bloody and stuff, but I felt like I was going to throw up about half way in. It might’ve been because of the sour skittles I was eating, though. Also, the jump scares. Why the fuck were there jump scares? Jump scares are stupid and I hate them. (Especially in the form of screamers on the internet.) I just don’t get the point of having something jump out at you to make your heart beat a little faster for a minute or two. The things that pop up aren’t even scary-looking, anyway.
Overall, I think I’d give this movie a 7/10. There were some disappointing parts to it, but I think it was better than I had expected.